i am just waking up, fixin my coffee & find myself still trying to "process" the most profound & deeply healing dream i've ever had. a dream so real that when i rolled over & opened my eyes, i was alil shocked to wake up & realize that i was just dreaming!
so here it is in brief... i share from my desire to never lose the memory of it nor the peace it's left me with:
i & "some guy" {although he seemed familiar, i cannot place his name or face} take my mother to what seems like some sort of spiritual event. i seem to remember people worshiping. i clearly recall that i had the feeling of not wanting to be there. the feeling of fulfilling yet another obligatory "daughter duty". so i find myself walking in this crowd of people & see approaching me from the right my ex-husband of many years ago, JCT. he doesn't look like himself but it is him.
i am excited to see him. i have wanted for many years to ask his forgiveness for the horrible way i abused his love for me. he is not so happy to see me & covers his face with some sort of book/pamphlet.
i greet him anyway & begin trying to apologize for my role in our failed marriage. he is a gentle man {always} but still doesn't want to hear my explanations. he continues to cut me off & to move away from me.
at this point i am almost begging to be heard & then he is gone.
somehow i end up in a small room that looks like {for lack of a better description} a baptismal pool with no water. JCT is there with me, facing me. there is a woman {seems like a priest/sage/minister} outside the pool watching us & it feels like she is making prayers, quietly.
this time, JCT looks like himself. he is strikingly handsome {always}. the kind of person that somehow when you interact with him, you know his spirit is even MORE beautiful than his face.
i start to speak again. i tell him that i am no longer the woman who married him & that i am sorry. that she did not know who she was & in the process of finding out, wounded him. i tell him that i know over the years he has bumped into my sister & oldest son yet never mentioned me. i say that this tells me he is still hurt by our history.
this time he is listening & not running from me.
when i tell him that the Creator sent me to this event just to encounter him & that i believe i've been unable to find lasting love again because i needed to right this wrong & gain his forgiveness, he loses his balance & slips into what is now a pool with water... a true baptismal pool.
he says he was expecting me to say this & though he doesn't give voice to it, i sense in him healing & forgiveness.
i immediately feel lighter, quieter, relieved. i have nothing else to explain. we talk for awhile as friends & then i wake-up.
BUT the feeling remains with me. even right now... like something profound has happened & i have yet to grasp it's depth.
i will be so excited to leave this house today. maybe this was a sign that a meeting for us is forthcoming OR maybe it means God's work here is done... the healing has happened already, for the BOTH of us.
i don't know. i've waited 15 years already so i can be patient now & although i have no clue where my "dream" came from, i am just thankful that it did. Ashe-O!
Peace & OM!:-)
mechie
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