i am just waking up, fixin my coffee & find myself still trying to "process" the most profound & deeply healing dream i've ever had. a dream so real that when i rolled over & opened my eyes, i was alil shocked to wake up & realize that i was just dreaming!
so here it is in brief... i share from my desire to never lose the memory of it nor the peace it's left me with:
i & "some guy" {although he seemed familiar, i cannot place his name or face} take my mother to what seems like some sort of spiritual event. i seem to remember people worshiping. i clearly recall that i had the feeling of not wanting to be there. the feeling of fulfilling yet another obligatory "daughter duty". so i find myself walking in this crowd of people & see approaching me from the right my ex-husband of many years ago, JCT. he doesn't look like himself but it is him.
i am excited to see him. i have wanted for many years to ask his forgiveness for the horrible way i abused his love for me. he is not so happy to see me & covers his face with some sort of book/pamphlet.
i greet him anyway & begin trying to apologize for my role in our failed marriage. he is a gentle man {always} but still doesn't want to hear my explanations. he continues to cut me off & to move away from me.
at this point i am almost begging to be heard & then he is gone.
somehow i end up in a small room that looks like {for lack of a better description} a baptismal pool with no water. JCT is there with me, facing me. there is a woman {seems like a priest/sage/minister} outside the pool watching us & it feels like she is making prayers, quietly.
this time, JCT looks like himself. he is strikingly handsome {always}. the kind of person that somehow when you interact with him, you know his spirit is even MORE beautiful than his face.
i start to speak again. i tell him that i am no longer the woman who married him & that i am sorry. that she did not know who she was & in the process of finding out, wounded him. i tell him that i know over the years he has bumped into my sister & oldest son yet never mentioned me. i say that this tells me he is still hurt by our history.
this time he is listening & not running from me.
when i tell him that the Creator sent me to this event just to encounter him & that i believe i've been unable to find lasting love again because i needed to right this wrong & gain his forgiveness, he loses his balance & slips into what is now a pool with water... a true baptismal pool.
he says he was expecting me to say this & though he doesn't give voice to it, i sense in him healing & forgiveness.
i immediately feel lighter, quieter, relieved. i have nothing else to explain. we talk for awhile as friends & then i wake-up.
BUT the feeling remains with me. even right now... like something profound has happened & i have yet to grasp it's depth.
i will be so excited to leave this house today. maybe this was a sign that a meeting for us is forthcoming OR maybe it means God's work here is done... the healing has happened already, for the BOTH of us.
i don't know. i've waited 15 years already so i can be patient now & although i have no clue where my "dream" came from, i am just thankful that it did. Ashe-O!
Peace & OM!:-)
mechie
Amazing dream! Forgiveness and healing happen in ways that we least expect.
<---- mechie says ---->
yes & when it does it makes us understand true grace... i cannot express how thankful i am for this blessing.
Posted by: nappi | 23 April 2006 at 05:53 PM
Wow.
Amazing.
<---- mechie says ---->
it was simply unreal soul!:-)
Posted by: soul | 24 April 2006 at 05:42 AM
This is real. Now. From the power of your dream I believe the healing has happened. It is complete. It has happened for him on the soul level, too. Whether or not he would know it consciously in your presence.
Whenever I have healed karma with someone, I always pray like this: "and if it is in our best, highest good, let us meet again in future incarnations and let us love, support and be kind to one another."
<---- mechie says ---->
mahala, healed karma?! that's exactly what happened! i could not find the words to attach to the deep sense of relief & weightlessness i felt... but you have. thank you. i have NEVER experienced anything like it... saturday i experienced this karmic release & sunday i weeped at the peace i felt resolving myself to take the Vows of Refuge. quite amazing... again, there are no words.
Posted by: mahala | 24 April 2006 at 08:46 PM
Beautiful. I don't know your past. But it feels like there are new -- almost angelic beings -- guiding you to new awakenings. Not an especially Buddhist way of description. Dakinis? [Sky dancers. Divine female beings.]
<----- mechie says ------>
what a natural teacher you are mahala! every time you post i absorb something new! Dakinis? i am a believer in Angels & Divine Beings helping to guide our paths. could it be their more obvious presence in my life these days is the fruit of my willingness to now follow?
Posted by: mahala | 28 April 2006 at 09:51 PM