MyDailyOM

mechie's coming out?

quite amusing to me... a few co-workers {& possibly even my lil SOUL} read my last post & kinda thought my comment "i am thankful God allowed me grace to 'come out' in my own time" meant that i was... uhmmm... 'COMING OUT'!

nawhhhh mannnnn! my 'coming out' is more like 'coming clean'! although there have been events in my life that i have been more than happy to 'share', there have also been several 'lifeshaping' events that i have chosen to bury for years now.

while i believe that every person is entitled to tame his/her own demons privately, mine are directly connected to my freedom. to my elevation as a person. to my trust in the Divine. to my life's purpose.

exposure on some level has always been a part of my Karma. sometimes voluntary, most times not, my 'secrets' never seem to remain secret & my battle to 'force' the Universe to allow me privacy has led to alot of frustration. 

it's just that i am finally saying, okayyyyy... i accept it. i'll tell, share & expose it, IF that means i can write my books in peace, plant my gardens & age with the dignity to know that i ran from NOTHING & that fear was never given ANY place in my life.

i have worked HARD to become a person that i respect. i will NEVER be satisfied with feeling that i have had to bury parts of me, to be respected {or loved} by others.

it's that simple.

Peace & OM!:)

mechie

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mechie's note: soul, what was i thinkin?  i should have known you of all people would know EXACTLY what i meant... you always, ALWAYS get me! gurl, i cannot wait until spring... we have so much to talk about!:-)

it was 2 things {among many}

that prompted my recent 'confessional' & surrender to ABSOLUTE truth. though neither were huge occurrences, they both subtly drilled home the message that 'yes mechie, God IS trying to tell you something & this is your season to listen!"

* viewing oprah on the recent PBS genealogy series i was touched by how easily she spoke of her troubled childhood & promiscuous teen years. i listened as she shared {without flinching or shame} how she was molested @ 9 years, bartered sex to prevent a cousin's husband from abusing his wife, considered suicide as a teen because she was pregnant & didn't want to 'shame' her family & lost that child post-delivery & decided to change her life.

WOW! that is the sign of a woman who has come to peace with who she REALLY is & has been. the sting does not exist... it is healed. because she has bared it all, without question to accept her today, is to accept {and acknowledge} her yesterday, too.

* reading the book 'night' by eliezer wiesel {the story of his experience as a teen in the Holocaust} i was moved by his statement that before he could go on to write his other works, he FIRST had to tell his story, because it was the foundation from which all other work had been built.

he had wanted to 'bury' his experience & 'move on' but could not... he HAD to tell it. to heal himself & others, he had to tell it.

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so 2 things among many that finally moved me. in truth {though i haven't started writing as yet} i will be glad to get past it. i am ready. i believe that the family & friends who love me today, will love me still when all has been shared. truth is, i am EXACTLY who i present myself to be today. i just need for people to understand & hear how i got here.

i just need to remove the sting...

mahala - you are so wise! there is much to ponder about divinity & blessings isn't it? it's taken me almost 40 years to understand that it is our IMPERFECTIONS that make this journey divine & blessed... i am thankful for enlightenment.

soul - my friend. i am well... i am thankful God allowed me grace to 'come out' in my own time. i am ready. when you stop trying to control the things outside of your control, you can be free. that's where i am. half-free is no longer enough. that little girl i left behind needs liberation too.

spring is coming... it's all in perfect flow isn't it?

Peace & OM!:)

mechie

i wish...

i could find the presence of mind & time to blog on all the numerous things swirling around my head these days {where's soul's audio blog when i need it}. i miss yall when i'm away {usually a bi-product of my being deep in thought & tucked away in my shell to process}. i also appreciate how yall won't let me hide away too long {thxs courtney}.

the fact that you can connect {digitally, spiritually, emotionally} with folks from all around the world just based on sheer interest & mutual vibe alone is enough to keep me committed to the "art".

so here i go. an attempt to 'download' the mental-swirl:

i've been going on & on about divine signs & new seasons for awhile. sunday i had an epiphany & realized that the 'signs' are connected to my moving forward with manifesting my life's passion... writing novels. BUT the key to my writing {successfully} lies within my completing my FIRST work... the sharing of my personal 'journey'. telling my OWN story.

now, this sounds easy right? but it's not. not for me. this 'sharing' involves a HUGE character lesson for me. my willingness to put on public display the far 'less-than-perfect' mechie strikes a quiet fear in the pit of my stomach.

i kinda knew {in the back of my head} that eventually the Creator would require this of me before I could attain my 'dream' but in a silly way, i had hoped this 'requirement' would pass! i wanted to be pardoned of this supreme act of vulnerability & humility.

i have not been.

i should have known this was coming when i was 'inspired' to redesign my personal website around Authenticity for the New Year!

so let me add this too... i also know that my ultimate healing & self-acceptance lies within this 'sharing' as well. The Creator is actually requiring this act for MY benefit & growth... yet i resist?

i realized just recently the very real conflict at work within me... the need to paint a pretty picture BUT the dual desire for the TRUE me to be accepted 'COMPLETELY'.

i have things to share. dark acts to disclose. secrets & hurts to reveal. forgiveness to seek &  triumphs to celebrate. i know that I won't truly accept ME until i've completed this work.

all my life's paths have merged to bring me to this place. this time.

God intends for my story to be inspirational but it can't be if i don't tell it. i have to tell it truthfully in order to reach those who need it most & to complete the 'self-healing' i started long ago.

my life is about TRANSFORMATION. i am far from the lost 13 year old pregnant child i once was {wow, i said it} & i NEED to talk about how i arrived here to be a blessed woman who earns a six-figure salary as a project manager & lives the peaceful {albeit accidental} life of a Buddhist. 

the story is divine but not 'pretty' & i have to finally give 'pardon' to me for it. it had to be what it was, so that i could become who i am.

so all this is to say that i am beginning. don't know if i will write & blog at the same time... we shall see.

i am moved to leave you tonight with the Buddha's discourse on Loving Kindness, The Metta Sutta. a simple very powerful prayer, it is to be spoken for you {the person chanting} first & then for those whose names come to your heart:

May I be well.
May I feel protected and safe.
May I feel pleased and contented.
May my physical body support me.
May my life unfold smoothly with ease...

May you be well.
May you feel protected and safe.
May you feel pleased and contented.
May your physical body support you.
May your life unfold smoothly with ease...

Peace & OM!:)

mechie