MyDailyOM

the lord's prayer... for my mom

Today Jaiya Devi, Justis & I spent the day with Mom.

Funny, in some ways, my mind still has not adjusted to the woman she is today -- fragile {her own words}, easy to upset, confused. What used to be a normal shopping day with busy kids & noisy stores, now is unsettling & chaotic -- a bit too much for her.

This Mom asks me to pray for her often & just goes off somewhere into the secrets of her own mind. She is far quieter than the funny, sarcastic, charismatic woman that raised me. The lady with a way with words.

When she asks me what she should do about any given situation my heart breaks. I wait for her to get my jokes now -- hoping for the Mom who always loved my quick wit.

When we ate today, she asked that we pray first. But rather than blessing our meal, she began the Lord's Prayer only to realize midway through, she'd forgotten much of it...

My Mom has FORGOTTEN the LORD's PRAYER?! I pray my heart survives this journey.

For my Mom...

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
[For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.]
Amen.

mechie the luckie one.

conquering adversity!

While checking in on the folks I follow @MyDailyOM, I happened upon this *retweet* {thanks Mahala @LuminousHeart} from @DreamInAction.

It seems right for the moment.

"Under the greatest adversity exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself & others."

~ Dalai Lama

imagine...

Saturday. Vibing on Lennon today & seeking ease... Imagine...

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

mechie the luckie one.

strength unbroken.

Watching CNN coverage of the passing of Senator Edward Kennedy & heard a very appropriate quote used in reference to his life challenges:

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." ~ Ernest Hemingway

I also feel the quote speaks well to my feelings of today as I manage the life challenges of the moment. What a year this has been for me personally & my Family.

There are times during the day when my Mom's condition takes my breath. Like I literally cannot breathe. Her suffering wounds me beyond words. My helplessness (on all levels) makes me feel weak, though I know that I am not.

Thank goodness for Refuge. May we all live with ease...

mechie the luckie one.

the present moment... {redux}

"The present moment is the perfect teacher." ~ Pema Chodron

Mom told my son Jay she feels like she is "falling". Falling...

I am trusting Pema's words to be true & holding to the reality that this is the path we were destined to take.

I will be a stronger, wiser, kinder, person as a result of this experience. I will it so.

mechie the luckie one.

a new mom.

Some of you may be aware that my Mom has been on a slow {until recently} incline, exhibiting symptoms related to Alzheimer's Disease more & more each year.

Since I first realized something was "off" {6 yrs. ago} I've adjusted - sometimes well, sometimes not - to the changes in her personality but then 3 weeks ago, we hit a new place & all things changed.

Due to the advancement of Mom's illness, she can no longer live alone & has officially been moved into my Sister's home -- and boy she is NOT happy.

Can you imagine how she feels? Everything in her life has changed in just a few weeks. Her mind, which has always been so sharp, is now unpredictable. She can no longer count on it to make sense of the world she's living in.

On days like today she sounds frustrated, confused & helpless. I have a "new" Mom.

I've returned to this blog because I am aware that I cannot hold this life challenge in.

I need help. Help to understand the disease's progression. Help to manage the pain as I have to endure watching it.

I'm reminded at this moment of my Refuge Vows, that I took just a few years ago & was blessed to have my Mom witness:

I take refuge in the Buddha {the example}. I take refuge in the Dharma {the teaching/path}. I take refuge in the Sangha {the community}.

peace & blessings...

mechie the luckie one.

wordless wednesday: Buddha Shakyamuni

Buddha Shakyamuni - The Compassionate One

still on the path...

When I recently stepped back to reflect on the past year, I realized that I am smack dab inside a Buddhist/life lesson of Patience Acceptance...

I can be so dense! After all these years of seeking the path, I still find myself expecting to reach some point where life is perfect & pristine!

Even though I know how good character is acquired, I still find myself begrudging the path to it! Sheez!

So I return to MyDailyOM - the ramblings & sometime wise reflections of an Accidental Buddhist, to work through my thoughts of present.

It's been a while... 3 years this month! But I desperately need the space & the freedom MyDailyOM has always afforded me. 

I still don't know where the journey will lead us, other than forward. I welcome you my friends to strap-on your back-pack & join me...

I've missed you.

mechie the luckie one.

do less. pray more.

sometimes {most times} even i marvel at the ways Buddhism has softened me... opened me. healed me. i still remember the girl/woman who carried fire in her head & spirit... always hungry but never feeling fed... always searching but forever lost. looking for a war or battle to win.

funny that i am still caught off guard when people who "know me" expect "that" me... like they can't quite grasp that i have merged into someone else... no longer seeking war.

i am much the observer these days. acknowledging that in the scheme of things, i know very little. acknowledging my humanness with its limitations & flaws.

recently i recognized that i am STILL after all this living & learning... trying to "heal" folks with my hands & deeds... not with my prayers & meditations. still attempting to alleviate samsara {suffering} with a physical action only to be slapped in the face with reality... the ONLY true means of aiding those we love is by digging deep & invoking life-force to heal them on whatever layer they need healing...

it is beyond a human action. those we love {and even those we don't} need prayer... they/we need Divine Intervention to truly find happiness & peace.

i will set my intention daily to master the Wish Fulfilling Jewel by embracing the lessons of virtue... attaching less to my wounds & heart feelings... owning my responsibility to move us all closer to peace, freedom & happiness.

in the words of my beloved Great Grandmother, Annie Carter Jackson... "It is time to pray y'all"...

Peace & OM!:-)

mechie   

Loving beyond expectation...

i received a rare piece of welcomed 'snail mail'... a card from AL. my soulmate. it had been a month since we'd spoken. a month of a zillion tears & much hurt. BUT also a month of much love, peace & acceptance. the support i've received from my family & this Sangha i could NOT have done without... it held me up & carried me thru.

there is growth & healing wrapped inside that note. it expresses clearly what he & i both recognize... a divine love that is beyond explanation or reason AND absent of expectation & blame. the words were simple & heartfelt... bordering on poetic. a brief BUT real declaration of the obvious: i love you. you complete me. you are my soul mate. we should not fight. i will love you always.

it appears that we have both been humbled enuf to NOT expect perfection from one another... just authenticity. he nor i have requested ANYTHING from the other. there were & have not been any emerging vows or promises. no planning for the future. no pending relocations. just acceptance.

we recognize that knowing our relationship is Divine doesn't make it easy. i mean what REAL love {parental, sibling, child, family, friend} is EVER "easy"? isn't it actually their imperfections that lend to their strength & generate growth within us?

i have no crystal ball to predict the future. shoot... i have no need to even TRY to predict it! i am just at peace with learning how to love beyond expectation & comforted that somewhere in baltimore, there lives a man who is learning the same thru me.

if this is not a lesson in Patient Acceptance, i do not know what is.

Look y'all mechie's becoming a Buddha!:-)

Peace & OM!:-)

mechie